⚠ Warning · Do not operate heavy machinery · Or bathrooms
RING
STINGER
Hot sauce so good, you'll taste it twice.
ringstinger.co.uk · Est. on a regrettable Tuesday
By signing up you accept full responsibility for what happens next.
File 01 — Origin
It started, as these things do, on a bender.
Three days. One caravan. A crate of chillies won in a bet we still don't fully understand.
Somewhere between hour 61 and hour 63, our founder — a man we are legally advised to describe only as "The Chemist" — combined fourteen ingredients in a camping pot and created something that made a grown man cry, propose marriage, and cancel all his plans for the following morning. In that order.
When he woke up, the recipe was written on his arm in permanent marker. Half of it. The other half was on a man called Barry, who has since been placed under contract, then under lock, then under observation.
We spent two years trying to recreate it sober. We couldn't. So we stopped trying to be sober about it and started being scientific about it.
The result is Ring Stinger. Patent pending. Dignity lost.
File 02 — Precision-engineered regret
We don't measure in Scovilles.
We measure in squeals.
Every batch of Ring Stinger passes through our proprietary testing facility (Barry's kitchen, extended), where it is subjected to rigorous scientific analysis by men in lab coats who absolutely have qualifications we cannot show you.
* Testing conducted in accordance with absolutely no recognised standards. Subject 14, if you're reading this, please call your mum.
File 03 — Formula №2
The recipe is locked away.
For everyone's safety.
The original formula — known internally as Formula №2 — is stored in a climate-controlled vault at an undisclosed location in the Cotswolds, guarded 24 hours a day by Barry, who has nothing left to lose and no feeling left in his tongue.
Only two people alive know the full recipe. They are not allowed on the same train.
Ingredients — Public Version
- · Chillies (the angry kind)
- · ████████████
- · Vinegar
- · ████ ██████ (patent pending)
- · A whisper of ██████
- · Regret (trace amounts, naturally occurring)
File 04 — The Product
One sauce.
One size.
One warning.
Ring Stinger Original — 150ml of small-batch, precision-fermented fire. Deep, smoky, genuinely delicious for the first eight seconds. What happens after that is between you and your god.
Hand-bottled in the UK. Wax-sealed, because things this dangerous should be.
Cheaper than the therapy. Dearer than the toilet roll. Fair.
Batches are small because Barry can only cry so much.
File 05 — Interrogation Log
Questions we've been asked.
Answers we've attempted.
Join The Ring. First burn's on us.
(It isn't. £14.95.)